“Do not curse the king, even in your thought; Do not curse the rich, even in your bedroom; For a bird of the air may carry your voice, and a bird in flight may tell the matter.” – Ecclesiastes 10:20
“Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled;” – Hebrews 12:14-15
Bitterness is a burning beast in heart of any man or woman, but especially in the heart of a believer. Have you experienced this? Have you been singed by its heat in your own heart, or its work in the hearts of others? Is bitterness presently on fire within you? Indeed, bitterness is so damaging! It’s a common sin that the unregenerate often bathe in and many Christian men and women struggle with.
What is bitterness? Bitterness is a sour and harsh disposition that becomes settled in one’s spirit when grace is kept at bay and anger is nursed. Along with anger, at the root of bitterness is selfishness and pride. Considering the fact that bitterness is a sin, it’s good and right to be clear about how we’re often tempted to look at its presence and purpose. It’s also good and right to be clear about what God teaches you is true about bitterness and therefore what followers of Christ must do as you battle with it.
It’s true that when you’re in the moment, it can be tempting to think about bitterness as a benefit and helpful barrier in the midst of conflict. Maybe you’re really upset about a decision a friend made. Maybe your bitter towards one of your parents. Maybe your spouse hurt you with their words and/or actions and you nursed the anger, rather than not letting the sun go down on your wrath. (Ephesians 4:26) Don’t be naive or blind to the reality that bitterness takes an axe to marriages as it cuts communication and trust early on. What other relational situations can you add to the list?
If you’re honest, at the root of the matter, it’s quite possible that you’re angry and bitter towards God and His providence. If this is true, is that OK? No, it’s wrong to be angry and bitter towards God. Why? Being angry at God is a result of your inability or unwillingness to trust God even when you don’t understand what He is doing. Your anger at God is essentially saying that He did something wrong, which He never has, does, nor can do. Therefore, the right thing to do when God gives you insight to this is to confess it to Him. Repent and turn from any such bitterness towards Him unto Christ for forgiveness, instead of nursing grievances. Even as you have questions of “Why, Lord?” or “How long, O Lord?”, even when you don’t understand, you must trust Him, knowing He is completely trustworthy and His providence is always good and perfect towards you.
Now, what can often happen if you let bitterness breed in your heart?
- As the root, or the hidden multiplying danger of bitterness springs up, grows, and brews in your heart (Hebrews 12:15), it hardens your disposition, your conscience, and sours your spirit. You replay the person’s sin over and over again in your mind. You find yourself cynical, reserved, reclusive, and angrier. As Solomon calls you to not curse the king in your thoughts, or the rich in your bedroom in Ecclesiastes 10, never forget that bitterness can be a secret sin, and all secret sin is known by God.
- When you talk with the one who sinned against you, you’re can also be tempted to dump the bag of sins that you’ve stored up against them in their face.
- You find yourself more easily tempted to let words of gossip and slander fly out of your mouth. When you talk to others, especially when they sense something is wrong, you lean in to let the bitterness flow about the person that brought you pain. Like the writer teaches you, such a root causes trouble and many are defiled.
Yet, as much as you’re angry and upset, letting the anger fester and stewing about it only fuels your giving into more temptation and sin. It ramps you up and encourages you to feel justified in what you think, say, or do. Further, it can be tempting to let bitterness become a defensive wall of separation, protecting you from them, as well as blocking the biblical path to reconciliation.
Praise the Lord that He isn’t silent regarding bitterness. In fact, the great and gracious God, who has much love for you His people, reveals the truth about bitterness, gives instruction about what must be done with it, along with the remedy for it in Scripture. The following are a few, helpful passages for you to study:
- Solomon wisely says in Proverbs 14:10, “The heart knows its own bitterness, and a stranger does not share its joy.”
- The prophet Isaiah tells of what Hezekiah wrote after God extended his life in Isaiah 38:15 “What shall I say? He has both spoken to me, and He Himself has done it. I shall walk carefully all my years in the bitterness of my soul.”
- When God renewed the covenant with His people in Moab so that there wouldn’t be people who would turn to the idols of the nations, He did so that there also wouldn’t be a “root bearing bitterness or wormwood” among them (Deuteronomy 29:18). This serves as the backdrop to the warning given in Hebrews 12:15.
- The Apostle Peter makes the case that bitterness is both the evidence and agent of spiritual bondage. You find this in Acts 8:23 as Peter rebuked Simon Magus and called him to repentance, saying, “Repent therefore of this your wickedness, and pray God if perhaps the thought of your heart may be forgiven you. For I see that you are poisoned by bitterness and bound by iniquity.” Bitterness is part of the Apostle Paul’s indictment of sinners in Romans 3:14 as well.
- As much as its presence and use may seem desirable in the moment, the Apostle Paul teaches you that bitterness sinful and wicked and therefore must be gotten rid of. He taught the saints in Ephesus, and you today, in Ephesians 4:21-22, 31 “But you have not so learned Christ, if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus:…Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.”
Do you see how Paul recognizes the presence of bitterness, and the Christian’s battle with it in Ephesians 4, but also calls for its consistent mortification and expulsion from your heart? Your path to recovery from a bitter heart and growth in godliness involves you seeking the Lord and His grace to reveal any bitterness in you, as you are the one who can judge your own joy and sorrow. (Proverbs 14:10) As painful as your path may be, you need to be careful to walk in obedience (Isaiah 38:15), as Your path not only involves putting off those things that bring further sinful damage to yourself and defiles others, but also involves putting on and doing those things that rebuild and restore, by the grace and work of the Spirit.
Whether bitterness is in your heart right now, or not, you need to recognize it as the poison it is. Then pray that the Spirit would purge any that is in you out of you! Be all the more committed to daily, godly dealing with anger, coupled with the pursuit of peace with all people, and holiness as this will provide a good foundation and support for early detection of, and a remedy towards any root or sapling that tries to invade. Be all the more committed to not voluntarily play in the dark chains that Christ has freed you from, recognizing the good Gospel salve and call for you to be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32)
I pray that this helps your guard, as well as your battle with bitterness.