“As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” -Proverbs 27:17
“The elders who are among you I exhort, I who am a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, and also a partaker of the glory that will be revealed: Shepherd the flock of God which is among you, serving as overseers, not by compulsion but willingly, not for dishonest gain but eagerly; nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock; and when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that does not fade away.” 1 Peter 5:1-4
As members of Christ’s church, both seeing yourselves as a united family together in Christ, and then walking as family with one another in love and peace, can’t be overstated. (Eph. 4:11-16) For forgetting who we are in relationship with one another and how we ought to act towards one another, is an all too frequent way that Satan loves to sow division through friction that leads to isolation. And yet, there are godly relational encounters, even godly, healthy friction, so to speak, that our Lord has ordained and calls you to engage in with one another that both ministers to the pain and perceived benefits of isolation, smooths off rough edges, brings refreshment to your heart, and growth in your life, as well as that of your family and the church through sharpened shepherding.
Thus, “iron sharpening iron” is the practice of intentional growth in grace that Solomon called his son to, as well as you today. Can you see and understand how helpful this “sharpening” metaphor is? Iron cutting tools are made bright, sharp, and fit for use by rubbing them against a file, putting them against a grinder, or other iron. You’ve experienced this if you’ve sharpened a knife or ax before, or have seen it done. This being true, so God graciously uses you to both sharpen a brother or sister, as well as be sharpened by them. Yet, this doesn’t happen if you try to stay away from people. Rather, this happens as you as you come along side one another. It happens when you come along side the sad, lonely, and discouraged to encourage and lift them up. It happens when you stand in front of a brother’s train to stop him from going off a cliff. It happens when you converse about doctrine and life in depth, with possible disagreement, come through it stronger together, looking forward to continued discussion, etc..
Commenting on Proverbs 27:17, Matthew Poole sums it up well- “So a man, who being alone, is sad, and dull, and unactive, by the company and conversation of his friend is greatly refreshed, his very wits are sharpened, and his spirit revived, and he is both fitted for and provoked to action.”
This being said, see how the fruit of refreshment and revival comes from actions taken in the context of friendship. Therefore, seek to establish and build friendships with your brothers and sisters in the body. What is a good first step in doing this? Solomon once again teaches you in Proverbs 18:24 “A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” A good question to ask yourself is- “Am I friendly?” It’s true that to have friends, you need to make friends. (Prov. 17:17) It’s also true that as the phrase “must himself be friendly” can be translated “may come to ruin” in the Hebrew. In this sense, having multiple friends, without a close one, may result in disappointments. But, that close one will stick closer to you than a brother. They won’t abandon you. Therefore, Solomon’s lesson for you is that one faithful friend is better than many fair-weather friends. Though they wound you, you love them for it. (Prov. 27:6) Such friends ought to point you to Christ as He is the closest friend you will ever have! He has and will always love you and will never abandon or forsake you. (John 15:13-15)
As you consider the Apostle Peter’s command and instruction in 1 Peter 5 for fellow elders to shepherd the flock of God, and how they are to do so, a good question to start with is- What is shepherding? Let’s define our terms. Quite simply, it’s pastoral care and guidance in action. When the Apostle Paul lists pastors as one of the special officers God has given to His church in Ephesians 4:11, know that pastors (ποιμένας) are shepherds who are called to shepherd. And yet, it’s also good for you to remember that there are aspects of pastoral care that aren’t solely bound to pastors and elders. Care that is pastoral in nature can be clearly seen in mentorship, friendship, marriage, parenting, etc.. This being said, the full-orbed duties of shepherding that Christ calls pastors and elders to carry out (such as feeding, overseeing, leading, going after strays, and guarding the flock) are essential for Elders and Pastors to be knowledgeable of and particularly skilled in as well.
With this in mind, let me encourage you about mutual iron sharpening with some thoughts on godly living in the following relationships:
1) Friend to Friend- True friends that sharpen as they continue to stick closer than brothers are with you for the long haul. They are willing to engage in hard conversations with you. They sharpen you say things that are hard to hear, challenge you, convict you of sin, like Nathan did with David (2 Samuel 12, Prov. 27:6), and not just say nice and encouraging things, although those words are also needed in the right timing and season. Therefore, don’t withdraw and retract, lash out at, or otherwise push away those who do so in love. Also think about this- Are you willing to sharpen them in similar ways? Pray that God will grant you wisdom, love, and courage to do so well in your bond of friendship.
2) Husbands and Wives- Husbands and Wives are the closest neighbor each other has and, therefore, ought to be the closest friends, in love with each other in the sacred covenant union of marriage. If you’re married, both of you know the good, the bad, and the ugly with and in the other. Yet, what will you do with this knowledge and experience? It can either be used in great benefit in your sharpening, encouraging, and smoothing off each others rough edges to the glory of God in the well being and godly growth of your spouse, or to their and your harm. Therefore, be wise and circumspect in your talk and walk together. Stop often when tempted, pray often, think, and then act godly wisdom in each encounter! Husbands, may your sharpened shepherding of your wife be beautiful to behold as you love, listen, tend, are patient with her, nourish her with the Word, in prayer, and lead her in the paths of righteousness and to Christ. Contrary to what tension and conflict say to you, your wife is a tremendous gift who helps you be a better man and husband. Wives, may your sharpening of your husband be a testimony of grace as it’s focused, loving, patient, enduring, and kind as you seek to help your husband grow as a man of God, considering all of his known spots and his blind spots. May the truth of God’s Word, the work of His Spirit in and through it, the godly examples and counsel of other couples, family, friends, and your church officers be of help to both of you in your journey!
3) Parents and Children- Sometimes it’s easy to think that parents have everything to offer their children in the realm of sharpening and their kids have little to nothing to contribute in return. They are more passive than active. And yet, though there is much that parents pour into their children in love, shepherding, training, discipline, etc. as they grow over the years, even as adults, don’t miss or forget the ways God uses your children to sharpen, humble, and encourage you in your sanctification. This is true in times of peace, and especially in your times of stress with them. If you don’t have children yet, maybe you’ve sought to bless and have been impacted by kids at church or others in your life. Parents, don’t forget that there is much sharpening here again between the two of you as you both face the ups and down of parenting. Knowing the roller coaster of emotions, the joys, the stress, the frustrations and angering moments well, the two of you need to be watchful and sober with your hearts and actions as well as each other. Parent with strength, love, and humility together. Lift each other up. Listen to one another and don’t jump in taking the other’s calming intervention as an attack or interference. There may very well be good benefit and fruit from it.
4) Sheep and Sheep- As members of the body of Christ grow with one another you have that special, Spirit wrought fellowship of friendship. (1 John 1:3) You are members of one another. (Rom. 12:5, Eph. 4:25) This must never be forgotten as you will often come upon occasions to rejoice together, weep together, and have friction with one another. One of the ways sharpening remains healthy is to be committed to gracious, godly conversation in order to work through disagreements, address and resolve any relational tension, offenses, and move forward stronger together than apart. Where it can, let love cover a multitude of sins. (1 Pet. 4:8) Where it can’t, seek biblical reconciliation. (Matt. 5, Matt. 18) Keep in mind that good sharpening, good growth, can happen from beginning to end in the process of reconciliation.
5) Shepherds and Sheep- Pastors and elders serve among the sheep seeking to have sharpened shepherding of them through conversation, counsel, preaching, and instruction. They work to help you navigate through life in a manner that pleases the Lord, seeking to bring you back to the fold when you go astray. In what ways does Peter say we must do so? “serving as overseers, not by compulsion but willingly, not for dishonest gain but eagerly; nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock.” (1 Pet. 5) Yes, like parents and children, shepherds are also sharpened, challenged, and cared for by the sheep. (1 Tim. 5:17) In fact, shepherds are sheep themselves, who like the rest of the flock, need the shepherding care of other shepherds, as well as first and foremost the Good Shepherd.
6) Shepherds and Shepherds- As pastors and elders in Christ’s church are very busy tending to the flock, as they’re doing good ministry but burning out, they need preventative care. A pastors and elders can fall into sin and cover it well for a time, as they can succumb to false doctrines of men and it slowly changes them from the inside out, it’s very much the case that their own well being, the well being of their family, the well being of the church can suffer. The sayings are true- So goes the pastor, so goes the church. So goes the Session, so goes the church. These are all good examples and reasons for the necessity of shepherds effectively shepherding shepherds. Therefore, what needs to be true for that to happen? Shepherds have to have close relationships with their fellow shepherds so that you can see and press through your brother’s defenses and deflections. You know the man and can effectively confront, counsel, and comfort him in ways, by God’s grace, he will hear and listen to. Therefore, we need to hone our skills in doing so, recognizing that it isn’t good or helpful when shepherds see the problem but don’t seek to shepherd. Sharpening can’t happen when they are unwilling to do the hard work with a brother. The same is true of those who would withdraw, letting the brother go his way, rather than pursue in love.
This is just a tip of the iceberg, but I’m so thankful for the men on our Session and Diaconate! They are God fearing men who know, love, encourage, challenge, and sharpen one another in both life and service. They are God-fearing men who love and desire to shepherd you well. I’m also very thankful for each of you who are part of this precious flock of Christ at Heritage. I’m thankful for the fruit of God’s grace in and among you in our sweet fellowship. My prayer is that each of you, officer and member alike, will prayerfully consider the importance of iron sharpening iron and your role and work in doing so in your various relationships. I pray that you will then seek the Lord to grow and go in commitment and care. May you sharpen one another in love to the glory of Christ our King!