“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.” – Matthew 18:15
One of the great challenges of every generation has been the right handling of offense, dealing biblically with sin when offense rises up, especially between brothers and sisters in the church. The reasons why this is so challenging vary according to persons involved and the issue at hand. However, it’s true that whatever the details of that challenge look like, the sources that fuel the resistance and reluctance to pursue reconciliation are very commonly pride and fear. I hope that you’ve been blessed as we’ve made our way through Matthew 18 in the morning service preaching series thus far. I hope you have had eyes to see and ears to hear how the lessons Jesus teaches you in verses 1-14 of the chapter really under gird and lay the groundwork for then how you interpret and apply His lesson in verses 15-17 in pursuing a sinning brother.
Now, I’m not going to rehash my sermon on the subject in this devotion. You can listen to it here. My desire is to expand on the truth that as you are called to walk in humility with Christ and one another, as you are to walk with rightly applied understanding of how God views sin against His sheep, as you aren’t to despise one another, and understand Christ’s parable of the shepherd going after the one, then all of this must inform your pursuit of a sinning brother. It must fuel your desire to pursue a brother or sister who has sinned against and hurt you. Though going to them can be so hard to carry out, from a humble heart and right focus, you see that it’s good and right as you love Christ and His people. It’s good and right as you seek to obey and honor your Lord and maintain the peace, purity, and unity of His flock through sincere reconciliation. As this is true, why would you not want to humbly and faithfully walk through the 3 step process in Matthew 18 with any sin, whether private or public?
Here are 5 things to consider as you seek a prayerful, private pursuit:
- Prayer and Pride- As Jesus lays out clearly in Step 1, your going to them needs to be a private pursuit. That pursuit needs to be saturated with prayer. This is true not only as to prepare to go, but must remain active as you go. Pray before you talk/meet, and after you’ve gone. You may be thinking, “Yeah, yeah, Pastor. I get it. Prayer is important.” Don’t discount, or think lightly of this means of grace. For pride will try to keep you from having a right view of your sinning brother. Love desires to cover sin, and pride desires to cover and exterminate love. Prayer is the means God has given you to go to Him with your pride and plead His mercy and help. Therefore, pray often and well! As pride clouds your lens of love, hardens your heart, encourages you to retreat, and stiffens your back, the Spirit’s gift of humility soothes and softens your pain filled heart. It makes your sight clear and helps you prepare to go in a manner you never would have before, maybe never have before.
- Prayer and Fear- As you well know, when sin is committed against you, pride isn’t the only temptation you face. Fear is right there too. It’s possible fear seeks entrance into your heart because of the nature of the offense and what happened. It scared you. It’s also possible and very common that fear and anxiety rise up when you think about what’s next. “I know I should call him, but I just can’t. I know I should go meet with her, but I just can’t handle confrontation.” Never forget, that fear freezes. It stops you in your tracks. It paralyzes you with much pain and no peace. Therefore, seeking the Lord in prayer is essential here too. As He calls you to confront, to go and tell your brother his fault, He will equip you to do so. You need the calm of Christ and the work of His Spirit who dashes your fear as He give you His peace to take the steps in doing what is hard, but right. You need His care as He can bring peace to your storm within, when there is yet to be peace with your brother without. Again, in humility and with peace, you are in a much better position to then pursue. Keep in mind, that if during the conversation or meeting you get to a point, or things get to a point where it’s best to take a break and talk later, then calmly bring the meeting to a close, with the goal of it being continued at a later time.
- Prayer for Your Brother/Sister- When a brother or sister sins against you, praying for them (not imprecatory prayers) is another great challenge. And yet, praying for them is not only biblical and healthy, but God is often pleased to use your prayers to work in both you and them. Pray for them and their well being. Pray that God would grant them grace in their life and family, also regarding insight to see and sorrow for their sin. Pray that God would bless and be at work in both of your hearts before and during any conversation or meeting you have together. Pray that God would bring about true repentance in them, a willingness to forgive in you, and reconciliation that glorifies Him between the two of you.
- Prayer to Keep It Private- Considering the pain sin causes within, it’s all to easy to share what your brother or sister did to you with others. In Christian circles, it’s often tempting to engage in gossip or slander under the guise of a prayer request. Yet, you must guard against that. Jesus calls you to keep it private, between “you and him alone”. Doing so is an important 9th Commandment duty. Depending on who offended you, it could also be a 5th Commandment duty. Therefore, prayer is truly needed to for help to keep the matter private. When you get the desire to talk about it, let that be good fuel to privately pursue your brother in a timely fashion.
- Prayer for Endurance- Conflict resolution can often rightly be described as a bumpy road, rather than a smooth highway. Go into the private meeting(s) with your brother expecting that may be true. If you go into the conversation or meeting(s) think it will be peaches and cream, you may leave discouraged and without much hope. Therefore, pray for Spirit wrought endurance, that both parties may be able to journey through the matter privately together. Pray that humility and love would fuel thoughts, words, and actions. Pray that patience would guard the way and bear good fruit, bumps and all, with repentance and forgiveness so that y’all arrive at God honoring restoration.
Take some time and prayerfully consider relationships in your life today. Are there any that need your pursuit? Family, friends, officers in the church? If there are, I pray that this devotion will encourage and help you as you go. If not, I pray these words will help prepare you for what is yet to come.