“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.” – Matthew 18:15-17
As you seek to be faithful in pursuing reconciliation with a brother or sister who has offended and sinned against you, you need to do so humbly, prayerfully, privately, and with persistence. Jesus lays this out clearly to you as you carry out steps 1 and 2 of the path to reconciliation in Matthew 18. Never forget this! You should seek to follow this path, whether the sin is private or public. Think about it- though people may say, and the OPC Book of Church Order, Book of Discipline III:5 states that following Matthew 18 is optional, or “it’s not wrong” to follow it for public sins, if you truly have a heart of humility and love for your brother, if it’s possible to do so, why would you not want to pursue him according to this path Jesus teaches you?
Remember, though you go the first time to your sinning brother, you’re not free to stop and walk away from your pursuit if he doesn’t hear you in that meeting. No, Jesus calls you to keep praying and persist in going back with witnesses for both your benefit and his. Now, though you go a second time to him with them, Jesus says that you still aren’t free to stop and walk away if he refuses to hear them. What does this refusal specifically mean? The Greek word for “refuses” lit. means that the sinning brother won’t listen to sound counsel. In fact, such refusal not only means the ears are turned off, but the word also carries the meaning that he is willing to do the opposite and disobey the counsel given. Do you see the fruit of pride in the stubborn and hard heart here? If he refuses, know that your pursuit is to remain prayerful and persistent, but it stops being private as you must tell the matter to the church. This being said, it’s right to keep the matter confidential with the church.
As you consider taking this step, here are some good questions to ask and answer:
- Who is the “church” in Matthew 18:17 that must be told? Jesus uses the same Greek word for “church” (ekklesia) that Paul and other New Testament writers use to refer to the “assembly” or “congregation” of God’s people. Yet, the context helps inform you, and many scholars agree that faithfully carrying out Step 3 doesn’t mean you are to go before the whole congregation and announce the sinner and their sin for them to handle. No, the matter is to be told to the Session (or the court of original jurisdiction), as the shepherds of the flock that have the God given authority and duty to exercise biblical church discipline over sheep under their charge through various degrees of censure. They are the shepherds who have been given the keys of the kingdom. (Matthew 18:18) When I refer to the “court of original jurisdiction”, know that for members, deacons, and elders of the local church, the Session is that court. The Presbytery is the court of original jurisdiction for ministers, as their membership resides in the regional church.
- What form is such “telling” supposed to take? Can you pop your head into Pastor’s office, tell me, and be done with it? Can you just write something briefly on paper and give it to an elder, and that’s all? No, considering the fact that “telling it to the church” is a serious presentation of the matter to your shepherds, it needs to be done properly and thoroughly. For they will be happy to join in the prayerful, persistent pursuit of a sinning brother, doing so as the court of the church that will hear the matter and needs to do so justly. Therefore, the matter must not be brought impulsively or frivolously. Rather, it needs to be brought to them in the proper form of a charge. Hearing this, I know some of you may be thinking, “Pastor, I don’t want to file a charge against my brother or sister in the Lord. We’re a close-knit body. Can’t the church handle it informally? Why do I have to file a charge? I don’t want to upset the church.” Maybe you wrestle with thinking charges are bad, or too harsh. However, I want to encourage you to think differently about a charge. Know that it’s the good and proper way of presenting your grievance to the church. The Session needs to see all of the details of the alleged offense, biblical grounds for the charge, evidence, etc. They need to hear the testimonies of both parties, along with witnesses in order to make proper determination.
- What will the court of the church to do with a matter brought before them? They will prayerfully and carefully examine the matter. If they find the complaint frivolous and without biblical grounds, they have the duty to rebuke the complainant. If they find the complaint to be just, they will call the offender to repentance and determine if/what censure is necessary. Westminster Confession of Faith 30.3 teaches you details about the necessity of censures, saying, “Church censures are necessary, for the reclaiming and gaining of offending brethren, for deterring of others from the like offenses, for purging out of that leaven which might infect the whole lump, for vindicating the honor of Christ, and the holy profession of the gospel, and for preventing the wrath of God, which might justly fall upon the church, if they should suffer his covenant, and the seals thereof, to be profaned by notorious and obstinate offenders.”
- Why is due process important and not to be shied away from or ignored? When formal discipline is needed, due process is essential in the preservation of the peace, purity, and good order of the church. (OPC BD I:1) It’s designed to ensure the matter is heard in a fashion that is fair, based on truth, and not heard arbitrarily for the sake of both parties. You can see a glimpse of good order in who can bring a charge and the required parts of a formal charge as listed in BD III:1 and BD III:3 respectively:
- A charge of an offense may be brought by an injured party, by a person not an injured party, or by a judicatory. The offense alleged in the charge should be serious enough to warrant a trial (cf. Chapter III, Section 7.b [6]). No charge shall be admitted against an elder, unless it is brought by two or more persons, according to I Timothy 5:19.
- Every charge of an offense must: (a) be in written form, (b) set forth the alleged offense, (c) set forth only one alleged offense, (d) set forth references to applicable portions of the Word of God, (e) set forth, where pertinent, references to applicable portions of the confessional standards, (f) set forth the serious character of the offense which would demonstrate the warrant for a trial.
- Each specification of the facts relied upon to sustain the charge must: (a) be in written form, (b) declare as far as possible, the time, place, and circumstances of the alleged offense, (c) be accompanied with the names of any witnesses and the titles of documents, records, and recordings to be produced.
Reading this, some of you may be wondering, “Pastor, what if I want your counsel to help me think through if and how I should proceed in addressing an offense and trying to resolve conflict early on? Can I no longer do that? Since you and the elders are members of the Session, are you saying y’all are off limits until I need to go to step 3?” No, we are always available and willing to help you. Just keep in mind, that part of our counsel will be to direct you in the details of following Matthew 18, without making a formal judgment on the matter until the offense is told to the church and appropriate examination by the church court has occurred.
I hope that I’ve given you some good food for thought and clarity on how to prepare for and how to rightly enter step 3 and bring your grievance to the church. I pray that you can see more of the importance and benefits of due process for both parties in the pursuit of reconciliation, along with the biblical role of the Session (or other church court) in such pursuit.