“Save me, O God, by Your name, and vindicate me by Your strength. Hear my prayer, O God; Give ear to the words of my mouth. For strangers have risen up against me, and oppressors have sought after my life; They have not set God before them. Selah Behold, God is my helper; The Lord is with those who uphold my life. He will repay my enemies for their evil. Cut them off in Your truth. I will freely sacrifice to You; I will praise Your name, O Lord, for it is good. For He has delivered me out of all trouble; And my eye has seen its desire upon my enemies.” – Psalm 54
The pain of betrayal is real and runs deep. It often hits hard as the breach of trust and confidence you had in a person, or with people, can shake you as you realized they’ve damaged or broken their relationship with you, or sometimes broken their covenant vows, as they’ve turned on you to harm you. Have you experienced betrayal in your life? It’s tragic how sin is allowed to take hold in a heart to the point in which the man or woman is willing to turn away from, or against someone they loved or otherwise had a connection with. Whether that turn be fueled by selfish pride, anger, fear, lust, etc. the consequence of emotional, relational, even spiritual separation hurts. The consequence of the effects of a broader blast radius is also very sad and hard to deal with as your family, your friends, your church, other network circles in your life may all be affected.
Many married couples know this well. The sins of adultery (in heart and body), addictions (like pornography, alcohol, and gambling), as well as abandonment are examples of some that can tear godly marriages apart. Many children know the trauma of betrayal in various kinds of abuse. You may have experienced betrayal with close friends, co-workers, maybe others within the broader church. Betrayal is also an all-too-common experience for pastors and church officers in ministry. My mentor once taught me, “It’s the ones who are closest that hurt the most.” This is so true and this truth applies to all kinds of relationships.
Whether you are the betrayed or the betrayer, what must you do? How can the betrayed begin to recover? If reconciliation is possible between the two, how should you pursue it? A good place for the betrayed to start is considering how you handle the pain. Some may try to blow it off, or stuff it, and move on. Maybe you try to cover your sorrow by keeping up appearances for your kids, acting like it doesn’t bother you at all. Maybe you’ve felt like to you need to look strong in the eyes of those who are watching, including the betrayer as a defense mechanism. Others show the pain on their sleeves. However, all affected need to work through it in a God honoring way so that the effects of the pain don’t create more or build deeper problems.
Where and who have, or do you look to for relief, healing, and resolution? In Psalm 54, David gives you wonderful guidance through godly example in his heartfelt prayer to God, as he considered the betrayal he experienced at the hands of his kinsmen, the Ziphites. The family of Ziph was in the tribe of Judah, the same tribe David belonged to. (Joshua 15:20-32) Of all the relationships that betrayal occurs in, it can be easily argued that betrayal from the mouths and hands of family hurts the most. What did the Ziphites do? They betrayed David to Saul by telling Saul where David was, and promising Saul that they would deliver David into his hand. (1 Samuel 23, 26)
Now, it’s true that there many accounts of betrayal in Scripture like Delilah’s betrayal of Samson, or that of Joseph’s brothers against Joseph, or even Absalom’s betrayal of David. Along with the others, this account of the Ziphites betraying David to deliver him into the hands of Saul points you to Christ and His experiencing the most treacherous betrayal of all time, as Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss for thirty pieces of silver, to be handed over to wicked men to be crucified. (Matthew 26:15)
One of the most difficult emotions of the betrayed is loneliness, wondering, “Who can I trust now?” David knew that feeling. He likely asked himself that question. David also knew what it was like to be the betrayer, as he mourned and repented of what he did to Uriah and Bathsheba. And yet, in Psalm 54 he also shows you the answer to the question of who you can trust after being betrayed. See how David’s trust remains strong in his Lord and he calls out to Him.
Consider and study these lessons from his inspired words:
- Grieve Well- When one is betrayed it isn’t only grievous, but it is a time of grief. Some don’t realize that, but when they do it’s helpful to know that they are grieving many aspects of loss, that it’s good to grieve, and the grieving process can take time. Jesus has many good and growing things for you along the way.
- Humble Yourself- In the midst of grief and sorrow, humble yourself before your Lord and He will lift you up. (James 4:10)
- Cry Out to God- If/when you go through betrayal, it’s easy to withdraw inward in depression/anxiety, and/or lash out with anger. Like David knew, godly wisdom calls you to trust the Lord your God in the midst of and after experiencing the pain of broken trust, practice self-control, flee temptations, and run to Jesus. Remind yourself of how He is completely trustworthy and praise Him for it. As you grasp this more, like David, cry out to the Lord Jesus for deliverance and vindication. (v. 1) Instead of lashing out at the betrayer, take your cause to Christ and rest in Him. (1 Peter 3:9)
- God is Your Helper- Is this a truth that you’re mindful of, especially in your times of trouble? It needs to be! In fact, as David reflected on how members of his own family were acting like strangers in how they turned against him, he exclaimed in verse 3, “Behold! God is my helper.”, or “Look! God is my helper.” The goodness of God is seen all the more clearly, against the backdrop of sin and brokenness. As this understanding becomes foundational in your knowledge, may it fuel your motivation to cry out all the more quickly to your Lord, as well as inform your pleas. Like David, as you cry out to Him you do so trusting His promises to give you aid. He will bring healing to your heart, shine light to the path, and lead you as He walks with you on it.
- Never forget that the Apostle John teaches you in John 14:16-17 the Holy Spirit is “another Helper” who was sent after the first Helper. Indeed, the Holy Spirit does the important work of teaching you all things, reminding you of Christ’s words, sanctifying you, and preserving you. But John makes it clear that the first Helper is Jesus Himself, as he teaches you in 1 John 2:1 that the “advocate with the Father” is “Jesus Christ the Righteous.” An advocate, a paraklete, is a legal advocate. Therefore, praise God for the great intercessory work of Christ and the Spirit as well.
- Also remember part of the way Christ helps you is as defender and protector as your King. He will judge in righteousness. He will repay. (1 Peter 2:23)
- Time, Study, Prayer, and Example- Healing often takes time. Be prepared for this. An important part of the healing process is not only talking about or through the pain over time, but first and foremost fervent, persevering prayers to the great healer of your hurt, coupled with time and more time in study, which leads to strength, comfort, and refreshment, in His Word. As such healing and the presence of peace are so desired, what does the Apostle Paul teach you regarding the path to peace? “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-8)
- Also follow Christ’s example. Pray for the betrayer(s). This is easier said than done, but nonetheless, you as the redeemed of Christ are called to do so from a humble heart. (Matthew 5:39-44)
- Forgiveness- Without question, as it can be hard to pray for those who hurt you, it can be difficult to forgive them. And yet, forgiveness is an important part of restoration and reconciliation. It’s important that you guard your heart from bitterness and sinful anger and repent of any God shows you within. The devotion, “Talking and Weeping” on the Ligonier Ministries website, gives some helpful food for thought on betrayal as the focus of the devotion is on Joseph and his brothers in Genesis 45. The author writes, “When we forgive others, we must do so with sensitivity, aware that they may have trouble understanding that their relationship with us is restored…Joseph’s weeping in today’s passage shows how he longed once again to experience fellowship with those who wronged him. One of the marks of sanctification is that we long for broken relationships to be restored, and so we must do all we can to extend fellowship even to those who have sinned against us grossly. As others seek your forgiveness, do what you can to assure them your pardon is real and avoid bringing up their past offenses again and again.”
I’ll put a bookmark here for the moment. More to counsel to the betrayed, along with counsel for betrayers to come in the next edition, Lord willing.
God bless you richly in Christ,
Pastor Miller
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Works Cited:
– Talking and Weeping: Reformed Bible Studies & Devotionals at Ligonier.org. https://learn.ligonier.org/devotionals/talking-and-weeping, Date Accessed: March 31,2026.