“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.” – Ephesians 5:25-27
The foundation and outworking of love fueled sacrifice is clearly seen in its perfection in the Lord Jesus Christ and His love for us, His church. As we considered in Part 1 of this series, God reveals the depths of His eternal and infinite love by giving “His only begotten Son” to secure our eternal life. (John 3:16) Indeed, the sacrificial love of God is evident in Christ’s humiliation, in what He accomplished through His birth, life, and death. The greatness of Jesus’ love to the church appeared in His giving himself unto the death for her. His love is a sincere, a pure, and constant affection, despite the imperfections and failures that His people are guilty of. Further, that eternal and infinite love remains clear as we consider His exaltation, which is His resurrection, ascension, sitting at the right hand of the Father, and His coming again to judge the world. (Westminster Larger Catechism 51) You also wonderfully witness and experience Christ’s love in His sovereign and righteous reign over you, along with His ongoing intercession for you.
How awesome it is that Jesus not only demonstrates and pours forth such love in His own life but has also ordained that His love be at work and on display in His church! Many of you know that relationships therein are to be particularly good models and examples of sacrificial love. Considering today’s focus text, Christian marriages are to set forth such love, along with the great mystery of Christ and His marriage to the church.
And who does the Apostle Paul issue the charge to engage in love fueled sacrifice to in Ephesians 5:25? Husbands. To all of you men who are husbands or future husbands, God’s words through Paul to you require your serious attention. To all of you women who are wives or future wives, along with all singles, your attention is required here as well. Husbands, we have a call that many may think they understand generally. Some of you may view it as a tall order, or daunting, or maybe you desire help in the practical application of what the sacrificial love of Christ in and through you to your wife ought to be.
A godly Christian husband is a man who is submitting to Christ’s lordship daily in the home. Further, we husbands must submit to Christ and serve Him by submitting to His will in our marriages. In our service to Christ, we are called to show our genuine love of Christ, as should be evident at home in our marriages. Therefore, what should your love fueled sacrifice to your wife look like?
Here are six important things to think about and keep in practice:
- Keep the qualities of Christ’s love for His church fresh in your mind- When you think about your love for your wife, do you regularly refresh and challenge yourself by thinking about His? As Jesus’ love for His bride is a sincere, a pure, and constant affection, as it’s patient and kind, (1 Corinthians 13) forgiving and forbearing, as it’s such that He was prepared to lay down His life for her, these qualities are among others on the list that you should desire would describe your love for your wife. It’s easy in the day-to-day to forget what’s true about Christ’s love and then not rightly examine your own. It’s easy to become blind and numb to how your love of your wife has deviated from what it should be. Keep studying and remain watchful!
- Lead your wife with sacrificial love- Do you lead your wife? In what ways do you do so? Do you lead with strength, patience, and compassion? (Ephesians 4:2, 1 Peter 3:7) Do you lead with an iron fist? Self-sacrificial love must not only be considered as a quality of how you love and walk with your wife. It should also be in your focus in how you lead her, following Christ’s model by keeping her interests and needs in mind in your shepherding care of and provision for her and your family.
- Love your wife with wisdom and knowledge- How are you to relate with your wife? Think more about the Apostle Peter’s words in 1 Peter 3:7. You are to dwell, to have an intimate relationship together with her in the home, to lovingly take care of all of your covenant responsibilities in your marriage with her. Importantly, you are to live with her with understanding. Lit. “according to knowledge”. Marriage for a godly husband isn’t a relationship with an iron fist, but rather with wisdom and thoughtfulness. Men, seek to understand and know who your wives are. Doing so is to influence and affect the manner in which you live together with your wife. Know who your wife is and how God has created her to be. We should truly be the one who, second to God, knows our wife the best. Seek to understand how she thinks, feels, loves and relates. Seek to know her struggles, her doubts, worries, needs, and joys with sympathy. Seek to know her, and live with her, as her advocate, not her opponent. Live with her as she is your help meet, knowing she isn’t your enemy. Live with her and seek to display tender mercy to her.
- Serve your wife with sacrificial love- What is your view of “serving” in your marriage? Is it mainly about how she serves you? Or is your serving her in your sight? Do you think about ways you can better serve your wife? We all need to with our own. With this in mind, as Jesus served His church with His life and death, so too you, as a husband, need to serve your wife. As you are mindful of her interests, show yourself to be interested in her in ways she can see. Prayerfully seek the Lord’s grace to not be distracted when talking to her. This is often easier said than done. Get off your device(s) and give her focused attention and time. Protect her, listen to her, help her with day-to-day stuff, and do good to her. Have a mind to teach and model healthy serving your wife in love to your children. Jesus again declares His example to follow in Mark 10:45 “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”
- Have a passionate concern for your wife’s spiritual well-being- How important to you is your wife’s spiritual health and growth? As a husband, you have the privilege and charge to see your wife grow in godliness. (Ephesians 5:26-27) Direct your love toward her godliness. Let it show in your conversations and Bible study with her, in family worship, prayer time together, church attendance, church participation, service, etc. Are you reading this thinking, “Pastor, I’m having a hard time knowing how to help her grow in godliness in the details. I need help and resources.”? I’m happy to help. Let’s talk.
- Be faithful and endure in your love- Is your love towards your wife a persevering love? Does it feel like it waxes and wanes sometimes? Being one flesh with your wife is a life of commitment and faithfulness. These qualities are essential in your love. Many things will test your love. Many people will seek to sever it. Often due to unresolved conflict and tension, many get to points in their marriage where they want to throw in the towel. And yet, as Jesus doesn’t quit on His bride, neither should you. It’s true that too many Christian marriages tap out when things get hard. Husbands, you must not do this. You must consistently seek to love your wife until death do you part, humbly reconcile when needed, seek to work the hard and painful things out, and press on growing together to the end. May God grant you much grace to endure in the midst of and through hardship! (1 Corinthians 13:7)
More on love fueled sacrifice to come. I’ll leave you with this helpful exhortation from John Chrysostom : “Even if you must offer your own life for her, you must not refuse. Even if you must undergo countless struggles on her behalf and have all kinds of things to endure and suffer, you must not refuse. Even if you suffer all this, you have still done not as much as Christ has for the church.” (Ancient Christian Commentary on Scripture,185).
Works Cited:
Ancient Christian Commentary on Scripture, New Testament vol. 8, p. 185