“Therefore, let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall. No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” – 1 Corinthians 10:12-13
The clutches of addiction to sexual sin and pornography are arguably the some of the hardest to become free from. The weight is so heavy. The damage is so devastating. The lures are so strong. The falls are so great. Even if/when the offender sees all of the pain and harm they have caused to their spouse, children, friends, and family, it can still be so challenging to stop partaking of the drug that sexual sin and/or porn have become. Even if/when the offender makes the clear and adamant statement- “I have to stop this!!”, the questions remain- What is the path of freedom? How will they find rescue from the chains of that dark pit? How can such a statement become the beginning of sincere recovery and not just another piece of the lust and shame filled cycle?
By God’s grace, the Apostle Paul so wisely teaches you to be watchful and careful about how you consistently guard your walk in obedience, being mindful of the strength and tug of temptations that in what seems to be like the blink of eye have you plummeting into the pit. Praise God for how His divine warning comes with divine provision and help in your times of need! In 1 Corinthians 10 above, as Paul declares and reminds you of God’s faithfulness in the midst of temptation, take note of two wonderful ways that’s true: 1) No matter how it may feel in the moment, you must stand in the knowledge that God is faithful in His not allowing you to be tempted beyond what you are able to bear, and 2) God is faithful in providing a way of escape. Therefore, what is true? God is sovereign over the weight of temptation and the escape from temptation. You have no excuse when you sin! Let this sink in for a moment. Therefore, what must you do? Flee from idolatry! (v. 14)
Beloved, as I pointed out in my evening sermon in Psalm 40 this past Lord’s Day, an important part of wise walking as Christians involves patiently and perseveringly waiting on the Lord. Another part of wise walking is running from temptation and idolatry as you stand in obedience to Him. These are so important to grasp and be diligent in as you seek to have success in using the biblical remedies and walking a road of rescue and restoration from sexual sin and porn addiction! What are those remedies? What are essential parts of the road of rescue and restoration?
Prayer- Every sincere work to stop sex and porn addictions and have success in abandoning and walking away from them must begin and be saturated in humble, fervent and persevering prayer to Christ, the great and merciful Savior and physician. This must remain in your focus, knowing your struggles with consistency to pray, knowing the strong temptation to not pray when you’re in sin. Therefore, pray all the more!
- Pray in humility and for more humility. Your battle with pride makes this a needed ongoing request. (James 4:6-10)
- Pray for divine mercy and deliverance. Pray that God would bring you up out of the horrible pit and place your feet upon the rock that is Christ. (Psalm 40:2) Cry out like the publican, “Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner!” (Luke 18:13) For you can’t climb out by your own strength. It’s only by the Spirit’s grace that you’ll find rescue.
- Confess your sins and seek His forgiveness. Then trust His promise in 1 John 1:9.
- Pray that God would draw you close and closer to Himself.
- Pray for the Lord to deal with all of the tentacles of lust, pride, and covetousness in your heart and life.
- Pray that He would deal with and cleanse you of an adulterous heart.
- Pray that He would make the desires, emotions, and pain that stir you to give in to temptation clear.
- Pray that He would truly heal those things and lead you in that journey. David gives you a good model prayer to offer in Psalm 139:23-24 “Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Godly Sorrow and Repentance- As God tries and knows you, as He shows you the heinousness of the sin within you through the mirror of His law, another essential plea in your prayers must be that God would grant you sincere, godly sorrow that leads you to repentance. (2 Corinthians 7:10) As is true with other sin, true repentance from the heart is important in sex addictions. A quick but insincere, “Sorry, Lord. I won’t do this again.” doesn’t cut it. Sometimes one can think the self-loathing that they engage in after feeling shame is sufficient sorrow. Or maybe they think they can bargain with God- “If You’ll do this, I’ll obey and won’t look at that website again.” Yet, you are commanded to keep God’s law. Period. God doesn’t negotiate. “I’ll follow You as long as you give me what I want.” doesn’t fly. You never have an excuse for sin because you think God didn’t do what you asked Him to do and blame Him for it. No, God did nothing wrong. He requires your complete obedience on His terms, not yours.
For those in severe porn dependence, it can often be true that their conscience has been so seared over time and frequency that sorrow is only present when more heinous sins are committed. Thus again, the great need for divine mercy, His healing and reeducating the conscience through by Word and Spirit, and the gift of godly sorrow! What then exactly is true repentance? Is it simply saying sorry for a sin committed? Is repenting merely ceasing from bad behavior? No, the Greek word for “repent” points to a significant change in one’s mind with respect to one’s behavior. Repenting carries the idea of regret, remorse, sorrow, and grief over sin committed, recognizing the odiousness of them. One who is sincerely repentant must confess and repent of their particular sins to God. Therefore, the fruit of such is going in the opposite direction. It’s turning away from your sin, abandoning it, turning away from it and unto Christ for mercy and forgiveness, purposing and endeavoring to walk with Him in all the ways of His commandments. Of course, sincere repentance to those have been hurt is also necessary and should be done promptly.
Mortification of Sin- One of the questions some ask with sex and porn addiction is whether the road of rescue should be looked at in the same way as some drug and alcohol dependence treatment is carried out with a substance tapering protocol that weans the one who struggles until he is at zero? Some biblical counselors have suggested that would be acceptable, saying that if the one who is dependent is looking at softer and softer porn less and less frequently, then they are making progress and that’s to be considered as “good”. I take a strong position on this. The road to rescue begins with sexual sin being mortified and put to death promptly, not a slow bleed. (Colossians 3:5) The head of the snake needs to be cut off. The one who is addicted needs to stop their sin “cold turkey”, studying and knowing the truth of 1 Corinthians 10:13. Though you may try to convince yourself that the temptation you’re faced with is too strong, that it’s beyond what you are able to handle, it’s in that moment that you need to remind yourself of the faithfulness of God. You can bear every temptation considering the way of escape He makes for you. Therefore, when tempted- stop, seek it out and take it every single time! Here are a couple of practical helps to use in your escape routes:
- Help 1- Married couples- set regular accountability with your spouse, along with a trusted reliable friend/family member, and/or officer of the church. Single folks- set regular accountability with a trusted reliable friend/family member, and/or officer of the church. This being said, I encourage you to not view such as the perfection of protection. They can fail you to hold you effectively accountable in some way. You can also too easily withhold information about your struggles from them and then blame them if/when you fall into sin again. Considering this, and for other reasons, I also recommend cutting all internet access (and other problematic media) on all devices (computers, phones, tablets, etc.) I know that temptations can come through other means, whether it be soft porn in daily society or people walking by, but cutting big snake gates is important and helpful.
- Help 2- If a complete cut off isn’t legitimately possible due to work and home/family needs, follow a hard rule 1) for the whole family to only use devices in public spaces where other people are around and can view the screen. 2) No devices are allowed in bathrooms or bedrooms. 3) Those holding you accountable know your device pins and passwords. Connected to this, 4) install porn and sexual content filtering software on all devices. Again, this being said such software shouldn’t be viewed as the end all be all of protection either. Like dogs testing their fence, the sexually addicted will repeatedly try to find loopholes in the software to feed their cravings.
Zeal for Restoration- The road of rescue leads to the road of restoration and a zeal for it. External guardrails and relational interventions are one thing, but restoration truly goes to the heart and the addicted person‘s willingness to make things right. Zeal for restoration will be tested on the road of restoration as the journey takes patience, diligence, and time. Don’t expect it to happen overnight, as it doesn’t just focus on their own healing, but also the healing of others they’ve hurt. Therefore, such zeal must be a persevering zeal. This very thing needs to be part of your petitions.
Commitment to Walk the Road- Seeing that it’s so easy to give up or give in, knowing that relapse in porn addiction is all too common, knowing that healing hurts and the road to restoration can be challenging, this is all the more reason why grace sustained commitment to recovery is so important. Keep walking on it to the end. There should be no going back in your mind. Whatever it takes to persevere and grow in godliness and give glory to Christ should be your desire.