“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ.” – 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
As God the Father was very present with His apostles in the midst of their suffering for Christ, bestowing abundant mercy and comfort upon them by His Spirit in their times of need, so too did He give them His well-seasoned word, along with then working in and through them by His Spirit to extend the blessing of that same comfort to the saints in Corinth and beyond. Praise God for the great multitude of mercy that is in Him! Praise God that He delights in being merciful to you, His people. (Micah 7:18) Praise Him that He is the God of all comfort, seen wonderfully in Jesus being the first Comforter who sent the Holy Spirit as another Comforter who dwells in your hearts. (John 14:15-18)
Likewise, as much as God is often pleased to use His shepherds to be ministers of mercy and comfort being present with and giving good words to those in pain in His flock today, He is also often pleased to work in and through them to lead people through pain. Your merciful Lord is also often then pleased to work in and through you, who have received and know His comfort, to help one another. It’s often true that when one is in the fire, they can’t see the forest for the trees. Therefore, as you’re with and giving wise words to the hurting, it’s good and right for you to pray that God would grant grace to help you guide them through pain.
Now, some of you may be thinking, “Wait, Pastor. I know a lot about pain, but I’ve never successfully led someone through their pain. I feel very incompetent to provide such counsel. I’ll leave the heavy lifting, the heavy leading, so to speak, to you.” On the one hand, I totally get it and understand. There are situations and seasons when it would be unwise for you to try to provide such guidance. You need to be led and fed with that Gospel comfort before you can comfort others with it. On the other hand, two things come to mind: 1) If the concern is mainly the matter of feeling unequipped, come, and by God’s grace I can help you grow in helping others. Come, imitate me as I imitate Christ. Come, and me or another elder can guide you as you seek to guide another. 2) Keep in mind that as pain and suffering don’t stop this side of glory, if you’re waiting to be completely pain free before you seek to help, that won’t happen. In addition, you likely deal with pain of one kind or another with others daily. This very matter is right in front of you. Husbands, though you wrestle with your own stuff, you’re called to lead and minister to your wife with her stuff, or your relational pain, at the same time. Parents, the same is true with your children. Wives, you may have your own mess but need to support and help your husband through his. Friends, a similar scenario rings true for you too.
With this in mind, this isn’t a “5 minutes to fabulous” in lay counseling competency kind of devotion. My desire is to stir your thoughts and give you some tools for helpful guidance. As I wrote about what words will truly be helpful in the previous edition, the details of the successful journey through the fire will be different for each person as well. In large part, it depends on the person, the kind of pain they’re going through, the depth of the pain, your skill and experience with the pain, and the willingness of the hurt to follow the leader down the path they need to travel.
Here is the consistent starting point and steps that are good to follow:
- Your first step towards the light is turning their eyes away from their own pain and suffering and upon Jesus, the One who loves and suffered for them, and is with them in the midst of their own. They need to look upon Him as the source and great giver of their true comfort and peace through the work of the Spirit. This is important so that they come to a deeper understanding of the work of Christ, the weight of glory, and how it outweighs their pain. (Rom. 8:18, 1 Pet. 5:10) This is important so that they will know more of the eternal presence, deep love, and transcendent glory of God in ways that may very well surprise them as He wipes their tears and lifts them out of the mire. Know that this turning in their gaze from suffering to Savior, by grace, will be more and more fixed over time with prayer, gentle encouragement, and redirection in the midst of conversations.
- Guide them in study and application of the salve of divine gospel ministry to and rescue of suffering of saints of old in Scripture. Study and apply the commands and promises of Christ. God has provided so many examples therein that speak to the heart of our pain as well as the path through it. David, Job, Paul, and the apostles are many that are well known and helpful. Paul knew his great need to depend on God alone as his sufferings were only surpassed by those of Christ Himself. (2 Cor. 4:16-18) Also remember Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego who went through the fiery trial unsinged because of the presence of the preincarnate Christ in the furnace with them. (Dan. 3) You, as a friend and guide, aren’t alone. The sufferer isn’t alone. Jesus is with you by His Spirit, leading you through the fire. (Psa. 23)
- Lead them by not only mourning with them in their pain (Rom. 12:15) but also supporting them to move through it with you. The wonderful truth of the weight of glory outweighing their suffering doesn’t mean that their pain should be ignored or minimized. It’s good to enter the mess so that you can walk with them through the fire, not merely coach them from the sidelines, from the char line the fire has burned. Are you grieved by what you hear? Are you moved to tears for them and with them? This is good and helpful, even if their pain was self-inflicted. Mourn with them where they are, knowing also where they need to go. Be mindful that sometimes their pain is similar to your own. In those times, your sadness and tears with them may hit home in your own heart.
- If/when seasoned words of rebuke are needed, it’s good to be ready to walk with them as the Spirit works through the rebuke to bring godly sorrow that leads to repentance. It’s good to help them see where the path forward needs to go following brokenness, especially as that involves encouraging them in the Word and with the comfort of Christ.
- Sometimes once the sharp pain dulls and subsides, it’s easy for the sufferer to be tempted to stop and pursue nothing further. However, if the pain was caused by relational conflict, they may very well need help to not only desire but identify and navigate the path of reconciliation and restoration or connect them with the right person who can. (Matt. 18:15-17, Matt. 5:23-24, Eph. 4:32, Gal. 6:1) This is an essential part of the path. Similarly, if the pain involves sin like theft or if property damage was caused, biblical restitution is the good and necessary path. (Ex. 22, Lev. 6:2-5, Luke 19) Never forget that genuine repentance leads to a desire to redress wrongs.
As much as those who hurt may plead with God, “How long, O Lord?!?”, so too can you raise the question- “How long do I need to show compassion on this brother or sister in pain?” Helping, and especially prolonged helping, can weary you. It can be emotionally and spiritually draining. And yet, what God calls you to do, He will equip you to do. The right answer to your question is compassion should be shown as long as there is pain. Some of you may wonder, “Pastor, how do you and the elders do it? I couldn’t do it day in and day out.” Such shepherding and guidance involve your daily dependence on Christ for strength, wisdom, and endurance in love and compassion. It’s not about us, it’s all about Him, His call, His work, His grace. Likewise, the same is true for you as He uses you to help one another.
Dear ones, what a joy it is to serve you. What a privilege it is to walk with you through fire and meadows. What a pleasure it is to help bear your burdens. What a comfort it is to turn our eyes upon Jesus in every situation, seeking His face, following His lead, thankful for His daily mercies and healing touch. To Him be the glory both now and forever! Amen.